When getting jiggy, everyone hopes that their jiggy-times partner is as keen to jig as they are. Nobody (except for total assholes) want to get jiggy at people who aren’t interested. However, social cues are difficult, and when dancing around issues such as ‘consent’, it’s really important to ensure that everything is clear and there are no ‘blurred lines’. Remember sex without consent isn’t sex – it’s rape.
A good description of consent in a sexual situation is that it needs to be enthusiastic and continuous. This doesn’t mean that you and your jiggy-times comrade need to draft a legal document every time you jig. Consent is more a set of behaviours and a mindset.
Consent cheat sheet:
ACTIVE PARTICIPATION
Is your companion making eye contact, initiating touch and seems happy to be there? If this changes at any point, it’s a good idea to take things easy and figure out if they’re still ok in the situation.
POWER DIFFERENCE
Is there are a significant difference in power between you and your jiggy pal? Could this dynamic make it hard for them to say no or be disinterested?
EMOTIONAL TROUBLES
Will your playmate feel guilty to say no? Do they feel obliged in any way to go through with this? It’s possible to accidentally coerce people into jiggy-times by creating emotional consequences for saying yes or no.
ALCOHOL
Alcohol doesn’t necessarily negate any consent – it’s definitely possible for drunk people to enthusiastically want to do the sex things. There are two key issues here. Firstly, the difference in power – are you significantly more sober than your consort? And secondly is the ‘active participation’ shebang – are they physically capable of enthusiastically participating, or are they semi-conscious and non-responsive?
How to ask for consent:
More than just using body language (ie. are they initiating it as much as you are?), there are lots of ways to check for consent without saying ‘May I please {sexual act} your {body part}’. Is this good? Do you like this? Can I… ;)?
How to say no:
Often it’s difficult to escape from a sexual situation by just saying no. You’re probably in an intimate spot with someone who you think is cool, but you don’t necessarily want to do the jiggy. How to say no without damaging a friendship or relationship that you value?
- How about we just do {insert cool thing}.
- I don’t think this is a good idea.
- I need to go to the bathroom/I need to go to bed.
- I’m too drunk for this.
- Not now.
NEVER SAY SORRY. You never need to apologise for not wanting sex, even if your buddy is super turned on and you were saying yes previously. You are not obligated to go
How to say yes:
Generally, positive language and being pretty darn keen is a clear enough signal for consent. However in new relationships or hook ups, it’s good to be verbally explicit.
- This is/feels so good.
- I want you/this/{insert jiggy act}.
- Or, very simply, just say yes: Yessss (in your best sexy voice).
